Doctor appointment

Today was the doctor appt day. I didn't talk much, because when I would I got that being choked feeling....like I couldn't really talk full sentences kinda feeling. I hate that feeling. My doctor is just as positive as ever. Not sure if he is reminding me of my age over & over again or just asking me every time bc he can't remember. He said today that he thinks I'll get pregnant ...he's not worried about it. Now if I was 34-40 yes he would be more concerned. He said natural or with medicine I will get pregnant. I then told him...I honestly don't think I can try much longer (chocking up). I kept thinking if you cry your bill is gonna be expensive!! I was sweating and scatterbrained.. Me and my sh made a deal or he asked me to make this deal with him..after I get pregnant we won't try like this again. Meaning if the 3rd or 4th or 5th(probably just kidding with that many) just happens we will count it as a blessing. Neither one of us want to go through this again. It's so hard. We are doing everything right...we are married, have a loving house, pretty much debt free(house), Christians (I need prayer:)). So anyways my doctor prescribed me clomid still the low dosage. He doesn't think I need any higher plus the side effects are worse. And I will be doing an iui when I ovulate next. I'm not filling my medicine until I start, bc I still have hope I may be pregnant. I will know anytime now. I am scared to death. We have parents night out this Friday and we are going to eat with our life group friends. I'm also off this weekend too...I just hope my weekend doesn't get ruined. It's not like im just going to stay in bed crying. No me & my sweet girl are sleeping in, going for breakfast, going to the park...hopefully do some artwork...so yes we will be busy bees. I'm really lucky that I have certain people in my life now that I can request prayer from, And that genuinely care. I have tons of friends and they all play different roles. I am very blessed. This month i get a new nephew and a sweet friend of mines having her little boy. I'm very excited but at the same time know I'm gonna be I'll say it a little jealous. I know it's not right to be that way but it's the truth. I loved being pregnant and I loved being in labor all day. I loved having people hang out all day waiting for the arrival of my baby. My girl is asking more about the baby we've been talking about. Alyssa-Is it a boy or girl mommy? Me- we don't know yet... Alyssa- is the baby in heaven with God? REALLY? I love that kid. Ohh I've got to share this. Tonight when we were walking into church Alyssa had her 2 quarters. I told her she needs give them to the church. She said to God? Me- yes to God. She then looked down her shirt and said if I do the quarters will fall on the ground. I asked why and she said because God is in my heart. That moment just made me so happy. She really does listen when we talk to her.