Monday

Ok so I have another dr appt Monday. They will have to do another pelvic exam for me to do another round of clomid. I've got some questions to ask like what are the next couple steps...just need to figure the money situation. I contacted the hospital that I had my hsg done at and I'm thinking it cost less than what I was quoted! Umm yes! Sounds good to me. Me and my little girl went for a play date this evening. She really loves babies. I think she will be a wonderful big sis. Even though I have to clarify that she's not gonna have a baby in her tummy... Mommy will. That kinda makes her nervous thinking SHE will have the baby. Ahh they are so funny.

Those cheap ovulation kits!

Ok so we didn't get to do the artificial insemination because I never got my lh surge... Or maybe I just had a cheap ovulation kit and I couldn't decide if it was positive or not. TRUST me next cycle I will have the kind that says Yes or No! Those faint lines are not for me...I start seeing stuff :)! Well this past week was a very busy week for me which is great. Works been busy thank goodness bc my mind starts spinning when I have too much free time. I've been cooking a lot this week (I'm such a beginner). Some of the life group girls did a freezer cooking exchange. I cooked vegetable beef soup which possibly won't feed everyone... I've never cooked for 8 families like that! I will do better next time. It's simply the best idea ever! We are having cheesy ckn spegetti for dinner and I'll I had to do was thaw and then warm. Love it! Well I finally finished my egg and hung it on my front door. My sweet girl just informed me "momma I'm hyper"... Oh boy! Oh yesterday we had our first life group baby shower. It was just perfect! Our group is really getting close and I'm loving it. This is just what my family needs, a group of people wanting the same things out of life. We have so much going on in the month of March...I'll be writing all about it.

Adoption

Ok so yes I've been really thinking about adoption. I know we havent been trying too too long, but a year and a half has been FOREVER in my world! My sweet husband likes the idea of it too. I personally think he's getting tired of nothing happening. He doesn't talk about it on his own like I do, but there has been times where we see a cute little boy and he'll say "man I can't wait". Ugh I can't either! I've NEVER been mistaken for a patient person...those that' know me well know that when my heart get a set on something it's SET! I promise I'm trying to be patient!! Because at the end of the day I honestly know it's all in Gods timing...but I just wish I knew how we would add to our family. And WHY the Dr can't figure out why I can't get pregnant. I mentioned adoption to my mom today and she doesn't think taking a loan out to adopt is very smart.. But I think hey the only debt we have is our house...so I'll just keep my car longer and get a baby instead of a new car??!?! Make since? It does to me. I mean it's not like we can just save what like $30,000 then adopt? I'm hoping that this I guess they are calling it an iui will work.... Oh my that will make this girl happy!!!! Back to adoption..it's such a scary thing! Birth parents have too much time (in my opinion) to change their minds. I personally think hey they just had 9 WHOLE ENTIRE MONTHS to think this through...and if they still want to give their baby to a loving family then it's probably what's really best. I don't think they should go home and pout and then get their baby back. This is a lot of rambling yes, but hey thats why I started this thing. For me and yes to possibly have someone else in this boat to stumble upon:)

This is me trying to cope

So here goes... I have been told by a dear friend that she thinks journaling or blogging will help me with everything that's going on in my life. So this is me trying to do so. 

I will give a brief run down of the past 4 years of my life.

I met the man of my dreams and we quickly got married. We were blessed with becoming pregnant without even trying. It was the most amazing thing that i've ever experienced! I knew from a young age I wanted to be a mom. Isn't it every girls dreams? Well our sweet girl is a very happy energetic 3 year old. We couldn't ask for a more perfect child...really!

We started TTC our second child in June of 2010 right before Alyssa turned 2. After 6 months of trying my doctor said your so young give it 6 more months and we will see what happens. Well we kept trying and NOTHING! I then revisited him and he wanted to check my progesterone levels. So we did and they looked good! Which means I am ovulating on my own. Which I pretty much knew I was, because i'm regular...except for a time or two that i was late and i just knew it was my time...but no just my body messing with me. So after they tested my levels i started taking clomid. I personally think that's when I became an emotional mess! Maybe because I then had to start tracking when I ovulate and everything else for that matter so YES my world became consumed with trying to read and learn my body. I wanted a month or so then did my second round of clomid. I think I handled things better that month. My husband may think different. 

Still NOTHING!! Ok so yes at this point I was getting really discouraged. I mean everyone and I do mean EVERYONE was getting pregnant or was pregnant or just had a baby. Everyone except me that is. So the next step was for my husband to get checked. He was so willing to do anything that was needed to figure this problem out. Well we got the wonderful results that his little swimmers are just perfect! I'm really relieved because I would rather it be me than him.

The next step was the HSG test. I priced checked the test and found the state hospital was the best cash price for this test. I was happy about that because one of my sweet clients just so happens to be an OB there...so when I could finally schedule my test I went in and found out everything looked good! I really didn't know if I was happy or sad. I kinda wanted an answer, a reason that I am still not pregnant. So now that my tubes look good my Dr wants me to do Artificial Insemination. Yikes...sounds crazy right? But I do trust him and will be doing it as soon as I get a positive on my ovulation sticks. Until then I'll keep you posted.